Before you have children everyone who does have children always says “soak it all up, it goes so quick!” and you really, truly do not believe it until it does.
The problem, and yes it is a problem, is that they do so much growing before they hit adulthood, especially within that first year. You blink and they are suddenly one and doing all these amazing things. It should not happen so quickly, it should not be allowed.
Billy always gives Nova a bath and gets her ready for bed before I feed her, that has been our ‘routine’ since pretty much the start, it’s their little bonding time together. He will however always call me to come see if she does something he knows I won’t want to miss. So it would be things such as her little giggle, her pouring water, her splashing, her putting bubbles on her head etc. But last night he called me and I watched from afar as she slid up and down the bath on her bottom pulling herself along with her arms, she would then stop at the end wave and then go back and do it all over again. Something so simple and even something I remember doing as a child because it was fun. But standing their watching her, my heart hurt. She looked so grown up, she looked so independent. I remember having to hold her and support her so she didn’t go under. Yet here she was independently gliding along in the bath with no care in the world, with the biggest smile on her face but I was sad.
I love that she is growing up, I relish and take pride in all her achievements, she amazes me how clever she is but I want it to stop too. I want my little baby back. I miss having my little baby in my arms, who was so dependent on me. Honestly, I do appreciate how independent she is and I’m not going to act as if I loved every second of her wanting my undivided attention and not being able to have a minute to myself. Because truthfully it was exhausting, mentally and physically and the lock down just added to that even more. But my goodness how I also yearn for those moments back.
I’m definitely dreading when she no longer needs me at all. But I know she will continue smashing being so independent and I’d much rather that than her be so dependent on people like I am, because it’s very frustrating not just for me but for everyone I depend on.
I am and always will be proud of her. She is incredible and is often beyond her milestones. But I do and probably always will miss my little baby.