I was getting dressed in front of Nova the other day. Something I do almost everyday, because as any parent will know children have to be within close proximity to you at all times! But this time was different. I usually stand in front of the mirror and look at all the bits about my body I despise. All the lumps and bumps, all the fat bulging, all the dimples and cellulite, it makes me sick but I eat when I’m sad or stressed so it’s my own fault I look this way! Anyway, as I was looking I looked in the mirror and saw Nova looking at me too, she almost had a questioning face on her look, as if she was curious as to why I looked so sad. She turned around walked over to me, wrapped her arms around my legs and kissed the top of my thigh. It was in that instance I knew that despite how much I hate my body, she doesn’t care what it looks like. She doesn’t realise I’m overweight. She loves me for me.
I obviously want to lose weight for myself, and for my health. Unfortunately, I’m rehabilitating my knee at the moment so I can’t, but I will. The point is, I’m hating myself in front of my child and that is not good for me or for her. I don’t want her to ever hate herself and I’m setting that ‘standard’ for her. I’m basically saying to her you shouldn’t look like this. That is not okay. I want her to be confident in who she is, always. I want her to know that the ideal beauty standard is not always possible and people come in different shapes and sizes. It’s down to me to teach her that but I need to start with me.
This realisation hit me hard and all it took was for my daughter to show me she loved me. She would have literally had no idea the impact that kiss made but it will stay with me for a long time. That’s not to say I don’t still look at myself and hate what I see but I don’t want her to see that.